Rushing to Blame and Judgment only inflames a situation (reblog)

This is a reblog from John Smallman’s blog found here:  Jesus through John

 

“To awaken is humanity’s destiny.  It is inevitable and unavoidable, and that is a very good reason to be happy and joyful.  I cannot impress upon you strongly enough how much God, our Father, loves you all in every moment of your existence.  There is nothing that any of you has ever done, or could ever do, that would cause him to withdraw His Love from you – absolutely nothing!  There are some among you who doubt this, but it is a doubt, a worry that you need to release.  You are all God’s beloved children – children whom He loves without reservation, always.  Whenever you feel down, depressed, shameful, worthless, guilty, or angry, just remind yourselves of this divine truth – “God loves me and will always love me regardless of what I or anyone else might think, say, or do.”

This does not mean, as you well know, that you can behave thinkingly or unthinkingly in an unloving manner.  To behave in a manner that hurts another hurts you more!  It may not seem like that, but someone who has been hurt can forgive, whereas someone who is doing the hurting cannot.  You cannot forgive anyone as long as you are inflicting pain on them – and that includes yourself because to hurt another is to hurt yourself.  To forgive, you have to stop inflicting pain, and to bear a grudge or carry resentment of any kind is to inflict pain on yourself, a pain that frequently drives you to project it outwards on to others whom you then see as the cause of your misery or unhappiness.

In the illusion, where there is so much pain and suffering, it seems that pain and suffering are imposed on some by others, often very vindictively, and in a sense this is correct.  But those behaving so unconscionably are themselves crying out for love.  If you attack them their pain intensifies – and a common response to that suggestion might be “A good thing too, they deserve it.”  But attacking conflict with conflict only leads to further conflict.  Those who could and would cause suffering can only be disarmed by love and forgiveness.  And if their pain is intense, as is very likely, disarming them is a slow process that requires love and forgiveness in abundance.

All of you who are presently on Earth as wayshowers and Light-bearers have learnt forgiveness and are here now to teach it.  Yes, many of you have suffered severely in your present lives and have issues with forgiving, perhaps feeling that you have not learnt to forgive and that you have no desire to do so. Nevertheless, you have to admit to yourselves that you do know that love is the only answer, whatever the problem.  You are aware that forgiveness is the way forwards, and you are working on engaging with forgiveness to release all your own anger, bitterness, and resentment.

You know that you need to do this, you know that this is the path you chose to follow, despite the pain, even though you are often struggling with it as you recall the unconscionable experiences that you have undergone personally, but you have sought spiritual assistance and you are receiving it.  Keep asking for help, and keep holding the intention to forgive or to learn to forgive, and with the spiritual assistance you are receiving you will succeed.  Then you will demonstrate forgiveness, and by doing so, teach it to others.

That lesson is the major one that all are in the process of learning and putting into effect.  And the best teachers are those who are closest to their own experiences of personal pain and suffering, because they can relate the most compassionately to those who are suffering, while at the same time being open to the awareness in themselves of the pain that those inflicting suffering are undergoing.  They can see and understand both perspectives.  No one who is not in pain imposes pain intentionally on anyone else.

Accidents occur through thoughtlessness or unawareness, and pain is inflicted. But those who cause those situations are filled with as much or sometimes more grief than those who got hurt.  It could well be that a person’s first lesson in forgiveness happens when they get involved in a situation where an accident occurs and they are given the opportunity to offer compassion and forgiveness to the one who caused the injury, as well as to those who were injured.

Rushing to blame and judgment only inflames a situation that is already causing much pain to all involved.  In your quiet times, your times that you set aside to be alone, dwell on forgiveness, remember instances when you were unexpectedly forgiven, and set the intention to be ready to forgive should something occur to upset, offend, or cause injury – physical or psychological – to you or to a loved one.  Your awakening process involves opening to love and forgiveness, and an essential part of that process is to set the intention to do so every day. Remember that to forgive and to be forgiven brings acceptance and love in a most disarming fashion.  Practice it, demonstrate it, and be the fine teachers that you truly are.

Your loving brother, Jesus.”

 

Find (and Eat) What Works for YOU (reblog)

Here’s the exact same message I keep hearing, just coming to you and me in the midst of a different subject area…..be yourself, listen to your own body, find what works for YOU.  Stop depending only on external guidance and following one-size-fits-all programs.  Take that information, and think about it, and then figure out whether or how it works for you. 

This is such a basic principle, but it’s the opposite of how most of us have been taught to interact with the world. 

Why A Raw, Vegan Chef Does NOT Follow A Raw Or Vegan Diet

By Aimee DuFresne
April 1, 2013 12:56 PM EDT

original post found here:  http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-8324/why-a-raw-vegan-chef-does-not-follow-a-raw-or-vegan-diet.html

Today, instead of sharing a recipe, I’m sharing a rant. And I’m sharing it with love in the hopes that if you’re struggling at the moment, it helps you move confidently in the direction of your most vibrant, fulfilled life.

First of all, I want to clear up some confusion.

TRUE: I am a certified raw vegan chef.

FALSE: My diet is strictly raw, strictly vegan.

Let me be clear: MY DIET IS NOT 100% RAW VEGAN! Ok, that felt good. Even though I share that with people all the time, they rarely hear it.

TRUE: I eat A LOT of raw food, in the form of fruits and vegetables.

Wait a minute, Aimee! How can you eat cooked food when you are a raw food chef? How is that possible? Why would you do that?

This is a question I get A LOT! So let me share with you the answer.

I chose my specialized training for a few reasons. After both my parents were diagnosed with cancer, I wanted to learn more about how the body can naturally detox and prevent disease through the foods we choose to eat. Growing up on packaged processed foods, along with burgers and fries from fast food joints, I had NO IDEA how to make simple fruits and vegetables taste good to me. As far as I knew, veggies were something overcooked and covered in cheese sauce.

Why am I sharing this with you? To clear up the confusion you may be having in your own diet and lifestyle. Here are some typical questions, comments, and pleas I get over and over again:

I really want to get healthy. I’ve been trying to get healthy for years. I just don’t have the motivation or quickly lose it.

I have a busy lifestyle I cannot change that prevents me from making healthy dietary choices.

I hate eating fruits and vegetables. Can you help me?

I keep trying to go raw vegan, but I keep going back to cooked foods. I know a raw vegan diet is the best diet but I can’t seem to manage it.

Do any of these sound familiar?

Ok… let me take each of these in turn.

I really want to get healthy. I’ve been trying to get healthy for years. I just don’t have the motivation or quickly lose it.

Does this sound like you? If so, I have some questions for you:

What does healthy mean to you? How do you define it?

What have you tried in the past? When did you stop? What else did you try? When did you lose motivation there? And the next thing you tried? Keep asking yourself these questions and you’ll start to see a pattern. The point is to break the pattern and start something new. Doing this on your own can be daunting and soon you find yourself giving up. This is where a coach comes in, to assist you in breaking through to the next level of your life.

I have a busy lifestyle I can’t change that prevents me from making healthy dietary choices.

Henry Ford once said, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t — you’re right.” There are plenty of ways to incorporate better health into a hectic lifestyle, but you have to open your mind to them. If you start any journey with the belief that the destination is impossible to reach, you are doomed to failure.

Gaining greater health isn’t like driving up to your favorite fast food joint and placing an order. If you’re not experiencing the health you desire, you have to be willing to change something. Disease is a sign that something is not working. Think of it as your internal GPS system. Disease and illness are signs you are going in the wrong direction. Start changing your course to get back on the path to greater health and happiness. To continue going in the wrong direction will only steer you further and further from your desired destination. And to keep doing the same thing over and over again and expecting the results to change is the definition of insanity.

I hate eating fruits and vegetables. Can you help me?

The real question is: Are you ready to help yourself? Are you ready to let go of the thought that you hate all fruits and vegetables? Have you tried every single fruit and vegetable? What is it you don’t like about eating them?

No, I can’t wave a magic wand and voila, you suddenly change all your beliefs and your lifestyle. But if you are ready and willing to make changes, you are well on your journey to greater health and happiness.

I keep trying to go raw vegan, but I keep going back to cooked foods. I know a raw vegan diet is the best diet but I can’t seem to manage it.

Who says a raw vegan diet is the best diet? Look around and you’ll see experts touting another diet to be the best, either now, in the past, or in years to come.

Here’s a suggestion. Stop blindly following all those so-called experts in the media and start listening the true expert on your health and well-being: YOU. That’s right. YOU are the best expert when it comes to your body. Start listening to it. Yes, you can gain valuable information from the other experts, but remember YOU have the final say in what works for you. Quite empowering to know, right?

Wondering whether to be vegan, raw vegan, or paleo? Here’s a suggestion: Be YOU. Eat the foods that make you feel good, in body and in mind.

As someone once told me, ‘It all falls back to love.’ He’s absolutely right. It all falls back to love. Love for yourself. Love for your body. Love for those around you.

I love you and I wish you all the best in your journey. I wish you great health and happiness. If I can assist you on that journey, it is my absolute pleasure to do so.

Please feel free to comment here. I love hearing from you.

Until next time, stop neglecting your body. Stop hurling insults at it and telling it that it’s not good enough. Instead, love it and listen. Your body has a lot to tell you.

About the Author

Aimee DuFresne

Aimee DuFresne is a writer, speaker, life coach and raw vegan chef. After losing the two people closest to her in 2008, Aimee transformed her life and made it her business to enjoy each moment to the fullest. She is the creator of Fearless Fridays, a series interviewing individuals who have triumphed over tragedy to inspire and empower others to do the same. She shatters the myth that better health has to be hard or time-consuming and offers customized programs to her clients so they can enjoy greater health and happiness; making the process faster, easier, and a whole lot more fun!

Her first book, Keep Going: From Grief to Growth, is due to be released in late 2013.

Energy Signatures and Frequencies

Aisha North’s recent post, The manuscript of survival – part 308, describes how each of us relates to other groups and individuals based on our own personal “energy signature.”  Basic science tells us that, very simply, we are all made up of energy.   The idea of an “energy signature” is that we each have a unique blend or combination of energy that makes us who we are.

It’s helpful to think about it this way when we try to think of who we are at the level of the soul.  We know we are not truly defined by the superficial and that we are more than our physical bodies.  But most people haven’t been brought up or taught to think beyond the superficial, so we don’t have a body of words or concepts that are commonly used to describe our uniqueness at a deeper level.

Another way to describe who we are, is that we each have a soul song, a unique “tune.”  Many people who have had near death experiences describe the music they could hear, beautiful tunes playing all at once.

Remember, it’s all metaphor, because these concepts cannot adequately be described with literal words.  You will never understand these concepts with your mind, but you will know and feel them with your heart.

A related, but different concept is that of frequency.  For some discussion of this topic, a good place to start is here.

The more “enlightened” a person becomes, the higher their frequency.  This is also similar to the description of “dimensions.”  Again, mere words will not describe these concepts adequately, so know and feel the concept.  Don’t get bogged down by the words.

Raising frequency involves releasing and transforming fears, beliefs, judgment, ideas of lack, and so much more.

The deeper inside you go, the better you know yourself, the more authentic you become, the more clearly you are knowing your own unique energy signature.  When you are aware of this, you will know and feel when you encounter others who are closely aligned to you.  You will recognize your soul family.

The higher your frequency, the more open you will be to seeing, allowing, accepting ALL others, whether their energy signature happens to be close to yours or very different.  You will be able to know and feel that we are all ONE, a gathering of unique bundles of energy that together, make up the big picture.

These are concepts I’m thinking about.  I’m learning for me, and there are plenty of resources for anyone who wants to delve into these topics.  If this resonates with you, I encourage you to delve away!!

Being REAL

I just want to hug Charles Ramsey.  And it has nothing to do with what he did for those girls.  It has everything to do with who he is and what he is:  REAL.

Charles didn’t do anything out of the ordinary – he just happened to be dealing with a really extraordinary situation.  And deal with it he did, in a way that we aren’t used to seeing.

We are not used to seeing “real” on TV, especially.  Most everything we see on TV or video is already thought-out, polished, acted out.  And even if the person being interviewed is being real, the presentation is packaged in a way that gives the story a spin.  News people and anchors and actors each have their “persona” that has been created based on what they are supposed to look like, how they are supposed to act, in so many ways that our view of the world has become more skewed than we can imagine.

Then Charles Ramsey comes along, and gives the perfect example of a human being just being himself.  No overinflated ego.  No check on his language to make it “appropriate.”  No hidden agenda or motive.  No getting caught up in the drama.  His emotions are real, he is stunned by what has happened, but he is not even tempted to sensationalize it.  As George Stephanopoulos gets almost a little giddy about the fact that this has gone viral, Charles responds, “there is no feeling.  You do what you gotta do.”

Those of us who have had the supposed “advantages” of things such as wealth, and education, and homeownership, and maybe business and social connections, and orthodontics and maybe plastic surgery…..  The list goes on and on, of the superficial things that we think of as the trappings of success.  And guess what?  NONE of these things determine your character.

We should not be one little bit surprised that a guy like Charles Ramsey would do what he did.  What he did was normal, what any regular person would do.  Yet, how many people have placed such a high priority on protecting themselves, that they hesitate to “get involved” in a situation?

The world is full of people just like Charles, because every single one of us is just like him.  It’s just that many people have incorporated layers of gunk on top of their basic nature.  They have bought into the idea that they have to be someone else, someone who wants to be famous, someone that wants to be rich, someone that needs to fill someone else’s expectations.

We are taught to tell people what they want to hear, or respond in certain expected ways.   We are used to putting a spin on everything we say.  During his 911 call, the police officer obviously gets annoyed with the way Charles is talking.  It’s an indication of how we culturally associate credibility with the use of certain ways of speaking.  But when you listen, it is obvious that Charles is the one being factual, helpful and empathetic.  The officer comes off as “a moron.”

We become so attached to this plastic ideal of who we should be we don’t realize what we are doing.  We think we have to compete to be good enough or to be the best.  That mindset leads people to put others down to lift themselves up.  And we judge people based on their appearance, their race, where they live, what job they have, etc.

That competitive mindset is already rearing its ugly head, with people bringing up “dirt” from Charles Ramsey’s past.  They point out his mistakes, in order to feel superior.  It’s another version of the Perpetrator-Victim-Rescuer game.  The only thing more fun than playing this game, is arguing about which character is playing which role in the game.  It’s never-ending drama, which is fine, if that’s what you’re into.  Go for it.

We confuse a person’s character with the superficial trappings of “success” and we try to control others by pointing out their weaknesses and telling them they are not good enough.  Having character does not mean always doing everything “right,” it means being authentic and doing the best you can in each moment.  We put down entire groups of people, and they are usually groups like immigrants, poor people, people of a different religious affiliation, stupid people, people that don’t “get it”, etc.  Why??

If you look inside, and ignore all those external expectations, it will become very clear who and what you are.  You can just be you.  And you will know, just like Charles, that you aren’t doing anything unusual.

Charles is perfect just the way he is.  And so are you and me.

The media wants to celebrate Charles as a hero.  Instead, let’s celebrate him because he’s REAL.

The Problem with Evangelism

Despite the title, this is NOT a post about religion; it’s a post about a mindset.

The word evangelize is closely associated with Christianity, but in a broader sense, it means “to convert.”   Christians were instructed to spread the Good News (Mark 16:15.)

When a person discovers Good News, it is natural for them to spread it!  Whether it is an enjoyable story, a funny video, a quote that rings true, a beautiful picture or an article that we find insightful, we want to SHARE it!  That’s what’s happening on Facebook all the time, right??

This is even more true when we have a powerful personal experience, witness a life-changing event, or experience a breakthrough.  SHARING is CARING, and of course we want to help others with our newfound knowledge and insights.

If our intention is to help others by sharing, then how could there be a downside?

Evangelists are not inherently bad people.  They care passionately about others, and because they have had such a good experience, they want the same for others.

Some of the most fervent evangelists I know are exercise evangelists.  They have found a regimen that works for them, and all they can talk about is how wonderful it is and how YOU and everybody else should do it.

There are diet evangelists.   We see the evidence for various diets, the people who have had successful experiences, and they can be very convincing.   But we know that not everyone who tries the diet will have the same success.

Is it good for our bodies to eat right and exercise?  Absolutely!  A sharing approach will present information about how eating and exercising affects our bodies.  A sharing approach will acknowledge that bodies are individual, and respond differently to foods and activities.  A sharing approach will allow the individual to take personal responsibility for its own decisions and will encourage the individual to experiment with different approaches, to learn to recognize how his/her body responds in its own way, and to develop an approach that works for that individual.

PURE SHARING is done for the sake of sharing, with no expectation of anything in return, including the receiver’s agreement or appreciation.

PURE SHARING could be considered an aspect of UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.

Evangelism is Conditional Sharing.  It expects an outcome of Agreement.  And because the goal of this kind of sharing is focused on the outcome, any method to get to the goal is justified.  Have you noticed how evangelism uses fear, shame and guilt to manipulate people into conforming?

An evangelical approach to diet and exercise will use fear, shame and guilt to “motivate” people to “do the right thing.”  It will make people feel “less than” if they don’t stick to the program and get the “right” results.  I have a sneaking suspicion that this is the underlying reason that many people “fail” in their attempts to “get healthy” – negative motivation is inherently offensive to one’s self.  Positive motivation, however, is empowering and promotes healing and health.

There are evangelists that are FOR things and those who are AGAINST things.  In many cases, once someone with an evangelical mindset determines what this thing is, no amount of logic or contrary evidence will sway them from their crusade to convert the world.  They are so convinced that this is right for them (which is a great thing) but they are also convinced that it is right for EVERYONE ELSE as well.

And that is the problem.

The underlying truth is that we are all equal – equally important, equally worthy.  We are all ONE.  BUT, we are not all the SAME.  This seems simple, but this concept is central to understanding the problem with the evangelical mindset.

We are each UNIQUE aspects of the body of humanity.  And that means, what works for me, may not work for you.  (Another ALO reference, see Animal Liberation lyrics, below.)

The evangelical mindset is very 3D, while PURE SHARING is fifth dimensional.  The evangelical mindset focuses on RIGHT vs. WRONG (3D), rather than having a focus on what is APPROPRIATE (5D).  The first is a one-size-fits-all approach, while the second takes into consideration the uniqueness of each situation and each individual.  The first is about the RULES (3D) and the second is about WISDOM (5D).  In 3D it is all about COMPETING to WIN, while 5D is about ALLOWING.  The third dimension is about CONTROL and the fifth is about FREEDOM.

Many people are so fed up by the prevailing 3D mindset of evangelism, that they assume all sharing is trying to convert them and they become suspicious of any information that is different.  This is an unfortunate consequence of the prevalence of evangelical behavior and the old mindset of Judgment, Rules, Competition and Control.

How to share without evangelizing?  Let go of expectations and the need to be right.  Respect others enough to let them form their own opinions.  For me, when I read a disclaimer that includes the statement that the reader should use his own discretion, I immediately know that this writer has no agenda.  This disclaimer is surprisingly similar whenever I see it:  the advice is, to take to heart what rings true for you and to discard what doesn’t.

Jesus said to spread the Good News.  He did not say to impose your moral code on everyone else.  He did not say to kill people if they didn’t immediately fall into line with your interpretation of what the rules say.  He did not say to hate people and blame people if they didn’t think like you do (actually he said the opposite).  He simply said to SHARE.  With all his emphasis on UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, I believe he wanted us to practice PURE SHARING as an aspect of that Love.

And I knew you were hurt

Playin’ it off like you were tough

Cause I saw your spirit shrivel

When suddenly you thought

You weren’t good enough

And I think it’s sad, so sad

I think it’s bad for our health

To let hurtful words and thorny spurs keep us

From being ourselves

So at the end of the song

The message that comes through

Is you gotta be true to what grows on you

People gonna judge

People gonna always suck you in

Just remember what works for you

May not work for them

 -Animal Liberation, ALO

The Manner of My Living (reblog)

A man said, “My life is not what you care about. It’s the manner of my death.”

-

The following is from Lynda Allen’s blog Conversations with My Soul, found here. 

I was listening to the radio yesterday and there was a promo for an interview that was coming up on Fresh Air. I didn’t have any idea who the interview was with and I didn’t get to listen to the show, but one statement made me stop what I was doing and write it down.  A man said, “My life is not what you care about. It’s the manner of my death.”  As it turns out the interview was with C.J. Chivers, a New York Times reporter, who spent much of the past year with the rebels in Syria. I imagine the quote may have been a statement made by one of the rebels. No matter the origin or even the intention of the statement, it gave me pause.

The words caught my attention because of the truth in them. It’s so easy to go through our days focused on the busyness of life without a moment of real attention given to those around us. Then something happens, a bomb in the streets of Boston or Damascus, a shooting in Connecticut or Tucson a car accident in our own town and we pause and we look. We wonder, who were those people, what was their life like? I do the same. However, the statement from the interview yesterday made me wonder.

Why do we wait to notice our neighbors, next door or across the globe, in relation to their death? Why not get to know them in life? Why not focus more on the manner of their living? It is a simple act and might actually prolong some of those lives. What would happen if we knew each other, if we looked each other in the eye and saw our similarities, saw ourselves? Would someone with a mental illness that could drive them to murder be so easily overlooked or lost through the cracks? Would we have so much fear of “the other” if we saw that the other actually wants the same things – peace, love, family, freedom? Would the grief be easier to bear if we had taken the time to get to know our neighbor rather than grieving both the loss of a life and the loss of an opportunity to know a life more deeply?

I realize I can’t actually get to know all of the billions of people on the planet, but maybe one simple statement heard in a moment of listening is enough to prompt me to get to know a few more lives while they’re being lived, rather than after they have come to a close.  I hope so.

Love: More Than a Feeling

There are so many thoughts and opinions on what it means to love.  This morning’s sermon at church was about loving God’s creation and loving the Earth.  This inspired me to look at Love in a broader sense and what it means to us.

A simple understanding of Love, reflected in most dictionary definitions, is that Love is based in Feelings.  But most would agree that Love is more than just a feeling.

Love is demonstrated by Doing.  People who love others practice acts of kindness, they help each other, and they physically demonstrate their love in all sorts of ways.  If you think about it, much of our “working definition” of love in marriages is based on what marriage partners “should” and “should not” DO and how they should ACT.  We have a virtual rulebook of what it means to Love.

But we all know that just going through the motions doesn’t equal real love.  There has to be Loving INTENT.  Real love means wanting what’s best for the other person or persons.  Real love involves giving without the expectation of something in return.

Love is more than a Feeling

Love is demonstrated by Doing

Love is motivated by Pure Intent.

Sounds simple enough, so then why is Love in real life so complicated??

The root cause is this:  If you do not first love yourself completely and unconditionally, then it is impossible to fully love another.  If you do not understand who and what you are, you cannot fully relate to another human being.  Oh, you can be very functional, but you cannot attain a fully unconditionally loving relationship.

There is a very basic Longing that is shared among all of us, a Longing for One Love, a Longing for “completion” and connection, a Longing for what is missing.  As humans, we “feel” this longing and we dream of satisfying it.  Some have called this “existential loneliness.”

We long, and want, and need at such a level that, if we feel at all unworthy and unloved within ourselves, fear and insecurity kick in, and we seek to fill that void with an-other.  We want to feel validated, affirmed, told we are lovable, and we want to feel needed. We want to feel “good enough.”

The longing that is an unavoidable part of being human can manifest itself in all kinds of feelings that are unbalanced and prompt us to feel and dream of Love that is forced.  Love based on fear manifests itself in possessiveness, neediness, doubt, the need to control, and of getting hurt if things don’t go the way we want them to.

Only when we are fully able to let go of doubt, trust in God’s timing, and allow life to unfold as it will, will our “feelings” be only from the heart and not the fear-based ego.

A recent blog post found here said this:

“When love comes calling for us it will never leave, but when

we seek it out on our own, it will always run away, because we

called on it to come, instead of allowing it to arrive through the

timing of the Divine.”

 -

We must wait on the universe to send a partner of love in our direction, for

if we seek out a sleepless dream, we will fall in love with a love that is not

meant to be.

 

Love will come to us through the winds of the unseen when we least expect

it, and when it arrives the depth our spirit will know that it is a love that is

true, for it will be a love that continues to grow and never leaves.

Seek only love for yourself and then when you are love, true love from

another, will come find you.

 

What about Doing?  The concept of Doing based on Love can be compared to the concept of being saved by Grace.  One is saved by Grace, not by works (Doing) but of course, a soul that is saved will Act based on Love because of its very nature.

“Grace is at the heart of the Gospel message. There is nothing we can do to deserve it.

On the other hand, too many undermine the importance of what it means to accept grace.

To accept grace is to live in thankful response.”    -Jedley Manimtim

A loving, thankful heart will, by its very nature, act lovingly.

In its Doing, a soul that still feels incomplete and unloved, will ACT in ways that are self-serving.  Behaving in ways that seek to control another, acting with ulterior motives, and doing things that elicit certain desired responses are all motivated by Intent that results from a sense of lack.

A person who has worked out all of their own insecurities, who knows that they are lovable just as they are, who is “comfortable in their own skin,” who feels complete in themselves, will choose Loving actions with Pure Intent.

This is not to say that actions based on Pure Intent will always be well-received or properly understood.  This brings us to another truth of understanding of relationships:  a relationship can only rise to the level of the person who is least evolved in their personal journey.

You could be the most loving, kind, tolerant, giving person, but your relationships with others will depend on who they are and where they are.  One person cannot carry a relationship, or force the other person to be something they are not.

The relationships that “work” the best are those between people that are at a similar place in terms of how they view Love, what kinds of Rules they live by, and the levels of personal security or insecurity they hold.  “Balanced” relationships between friends, or siblings, or spouses are the types of relationships that tend to last.  Dysfunctional relationships that are “balanced” can last a lifetime.

Only YOU can work on your own issues to elevate the potential level of your relationships.  You cannot do the work of another.

The Ultimate Unconditionally Loving Relationship is only possible when two people come together, who are totally at peace with who they are, totally secure in themselves, and have no doubts or fears.   Only then can they relate to each other with total acceptance and openness to the uniqueness of the other.

P.S.  I am fortunate to have several friends, some new, some old, who are well along on their own personal path.  One is a very recent acquaintance who within minutes I recognized as someone I could relate to in a very trusting and open way.  As you work at this yourself, and practice by opening up to others, all the while listening to your inner voice/intuition, you will be amazed at how easy it is to recognize others who are doing the same. 

Music, Wisdom, Love and Dancing

Concert Review of the Animal Liberation Orchestra, April 27, 2013 at The Blockley in Philadelphia.

Oh, you just noticed that I am writing this the day before the concert?  Well, I say, what good is a great review of a great band, the day after the concert – when your reaction is “Darn, I just missed a great time!!”  And since everything is happening in the NOW anyway – time is fluid – it doesn’t matter when I’m writing this.  If you are reading this, then this is the only moment that matters anyway.

But, I digress.  I feel qualified to write a review before the concert because I already know all about how the evening will go.  There will be a very happy crowd, anxious to hear the guys play, all smiling at each other.  There will be silliness, revelry, amazing musicianship, talk of love, fond glances between band members.  The guys will be as happy to see us as we are to see them.   You get the sense that every single time they play, they are humbly grateful that people came out.  No sense of ego.  And these guys would have every reason to be cocky – they are amazing.

The sound will be upbeat.  Zach, Steve, Dan and Dave are four of the nicest guys you would ever want to meet.  Zach and Steve have known each other since they were seven years old, and Dan since they were 12.  How fun is that?  Zach will probably have his little disco ball on the corner of the keyboard, there may be a fun hat or other accoutrement, and don’t be surprised if there are beach balls being tossed back and forth between the crowd and the band.  There will be plenty of banter.

Everyone will be excited to see what is included on the setlist.  ALO always mixes it up, and you never know what will emerge.  They’ll throw a cover in there, and it might be Prince, or Van Morrison, or (what has popped up in the past in Philly) Eye of the Tiger.  Plus, true to their jamband status, there will be lots of Lebo, including time with the lap steel.  Oh and I shouldn’t forget to mention there will be Zach on the uke.  It is impossible not to be happy when watching Zach play the uke.

There is a reason we call ourselves ALOvers.  It’s all about the love, a brotherly love.  In that room, it won’t matter how old you are, what you do for a living, or how you look.  It’s all family and all you have to do is have fun and be yourself.

Want to get a sense of what they sound like?  ALO is super accessible.  Go to www.archive.org and search for Animal Liberation Orchestra in the Live Music Archive.  You will be amazed at the number of shows that are there FOR FREE.  And if you can’t make it to the concert tomorrow, it will be streaming live at rmblive.com at 8:30 pm.

Seriously, the ALO community models a new paradigm of being, and the thing is, it’s totally natural and relaxed.  It’s all about sharing and caring, inclusiveness, having fun and being yourself.  If you are so inclined, it can be about thinking deep thoughts (just spend some time with the lyrics) but there’s no pressure to do so.  One of my favorite lines, from Plastic Bubble, sums it up really well:

It’s a crazy, mixed-up world, full of contradictions

And that’s why it hurts so bad sometimes

But that’s also why it’s fun

You can also check out their website at www.alomusic.com.  There are lots of videos there.

Oh, and they even wrote a song about girls like me, LOL!!

How to Diffuse Hate and Anger: Can it really be THAT simple??

There is so much hate and anger in the world.  Hate and anger result in a lot of pain.  But we think we are powerless to stop the cycle.

When we encounter bad situations, mean people, things that shouldn’t have happened, things that don’t make sense, we feel sad.  But what do we do with that sadness?  So many of us automatically get angry or want revenge.  We want to fight it to make sure it never happens again, or never happens to anyone else.

When someone says to respond with love, that can seem really naive.  Doesn’t everyone know you have to fight the good fight??

So I challenge you to watch this really simple video.  Watch how these kids respond.  This is basic human nature, and it’s really simple to get the result you want.  The question to ask yourself is, which response do you really want?  Do you really want to diffuse the negativity, or are you subconsciously enjoying the drama of the fight?

Not convinced?  Check out this one:

What Really Happened in Boston?

What really happened in Boston?  Why would anyone do such a thing?  How do we even go about processing such a tragedy?  If everything happens for a reason, then why?  What are we supposed to learn and what good could possibly come of something like this!?

This post is prompted by two simultaneous conversations I was having this morning about the Boston bombings. I’ve been working on a post about Victim Consciousness but hadn’t finished it, so here it is, in an unexpected form.

Bad things sometimes happen to people, and they are victims, there is no question about that. Victim Consciousness is different – this describes a way of thinking, a paradigm of perspective, or a human dynamic that is followed.  You can be an actual victim of circumstances, yet not adhere to Victim Consciousness.  How we react to the bombing at the Boston Marathon can give us insight into how or whether we are playing the game of Victim Consciousness.

There is an extremely insightful audio file at this link that describes Victim Consciousness.  To get the full idea of what I’m talking about, you really need to listen.  I’m going to summarize here, combining my words and theirs.

Sri and Kira describe Victim Consciousness as a three-legged stool.  The three legs are:

The Victim:  a disempowered, collapsed energy

The Perpetrator:  an aggressive, conflictual energy

and

The Rescuer:  the white knight, needed to balance the triangle.

The stool cannot stand without one of its legs.  It doesn’t matter which leg is missing, the whole thing falls apart without that one leg.  And the triangle that is being held up is FEAR.   FEAR absolutely CANNOT stand without any one of the three energies.

This is really just a game we have all been playing in a world of Duality.  We usually think of the Perpetrator as BAD and the Rescuer as GOOD, and we can all feel sorry for the Victim and feel better than them or be glad we escaped their fate.

Each person can choose to stay in the game of Victim Consciousness and continue to play and explore Duality.

BUT, all of us have the ability to rise above this.  The million dollar question is:  Are you ready?

Let’s use the Boston bombings as an example to look at the ways one can continue to play the game, or choose to see beyond the game.

Let’s talk Perpetrators:  the two brothers, Islamic terrorists, Chechens….ok those are the easy ones. Depending on your perspective, there are more to be found.  Do you know that people were told that there were bomb drills going on that day?  What’s up with that?  Some pictures make one question whether there were actors planted in the crowd to overdramatize the event.  Could you believe that?  Some think the military response used in the chase of the brothers was overkill.  For purposes of this discussion, it doesn’t matter what is true, what matters is that you can identify the perpetrators in your version of the game.

Next, the Victims:  There are obvious Victims who suffered injury in this situation.  But who do you see as the Victims?  Besides those injured by the bombs, there are those runners who were “wronged” because they could not finish this important race.  There were people who suffered not knowing whether loved ones were ok.  There are those who actually lost loved ones, and that includes a mother whose son died in a gunfight and was then run over by a car driven by her other son.  There were many people who could not leave their homes and were scared by gunfire on their streets.  Businesses were victimized by losing a day of business.

Then, there are the Rescuers.  There are the brave men and women who we saw run toward the bomb sites and those who helped the wounded.  There are the police and firemen and medics who did their duty.  There are the runners who kept running to hospitals to give blood.  There are mothers and fathers who hugged each other and hugged their children.  There was the FBI and the law enforcement community who worked together to investigate and find the perpetrators and those who saw the pictures and identified the bad guys.

So now, the “event” is over, and there are many who will continue to deal with it and bring it to some conclusions.  We will continue to relive this tragedy, some more than others.

For most of us, we were not directly affected by this situation.

Stop and think about that.

The only effects on most of us are the thoughts and emotions that our minds have created, based on the input we got from the media or maybe friends that were there.  And we have control over those thoughts and emotions.  How much time do we spend thinking about it?  How much time we spend thinking about the bad guys and how bad they are and how bad the world is and who we can blame for that, is up to us.  We can spend a lot of time thinking about who should do what to fix it all and who should have done what.  Monday morning quarterbacking – it’s a fun game to play, but it doesn’t accomplish anything.

Are you attached to hating the Perpetrators?  You are supporting a leg of the stool.

Are you having a hard time letting go of your sorrow for the Victims?  I am not saying we shouldn’t care or have compassion.  Personally, the situation makes me sad for all the Victims, the younger brother included.  (Does that get you upset?  Do you think he is “all bad” and not worthy of compassion?)  But to dwell on and replay the horror over and over in your head or to become fearful that it will happen to you tomorrow is being attached to the Victimhood.  You are holding up a corner of the stool.

Now, the Rescuers.  Absolutely no one can find any fault with those who responded to the situation at the time.  These people are not the kind of Rescuers we are talking about.  Did you notice that many who were interviewed, didn’t think they did anything unusual?

In this situation, see who identifies with the role of the Rescuer and attaches to that part of the story and glorifies it.  They are holding up a leg of the stool.

When you get together with a group of friends and talk about Boston, how does the conversation go?  Does everyone talk about how bad the Perpetrator is, and do you all agree on who that is?  (Nothing brings people together like a common enemy.)  Or do you focus on the Victims, and talk about how terrible it is for them?  Or, do you focus on what should be done to make it right, reinforcing righteousness?  Are you collectively holding up a leg of the stool?

This model of the triangle of Victim Consciousness is so prevalent and ingrained in our global belief system, that most people don’t question it, much less are they aware of it. Moving beyond it is not about judging it or yourself, it’s just about becoming aware of it and seeing it for what it is.

If at this point you think I’m delusional and I don’t understand how the world works, that “that’s just the way it is” that’s totally fine.  I just have one question — did you actually listen to the audio file?  Look, I usually don’t listen to these things myself, but it really does explain a lot.  Even if you did listen and you still disagree — just be aware that you are making the choice to stay there in that world.  Because it IS a choice, and if you choose to work to rise above it, it IS possible.

Not necessarily easy, but it can be done.

For me, the whole situation in Boston felt like watching a movie.  I could identify with all the different people that were there, and how it must have felt for them.  I cringed at the thought of people getting hurt and being scared.  I was thankful for those who helped others.  I wondered why and how in many different ways.

My sister works in Watertown and used to live in Cambridge.  Her friend was close to the late-night gunfire.  He had the SWAT team in his basement that Friday morning.  I heard how it felt to be a local that day.  This was an interactive movie I was watching.

Now the movie is over, with a sequel to come.  I’m still thinking about it, as many people are.  But I don’t feel driven to blame.  I am not afraid.  And I don’t feel the need to have opinions about how to fix it all or who should do what.

Beyond the three-legged stool, the Perpetrators create a Mirror, a picture that gives us an opportunity to see ourselves, see our culture, see the contrasts in the world that allow us to understand what happens when something goes wrong.  The Rescuer energy transforms into Compassion and Helping, without the need to feel superior or condemn.  The Victims are simply those who are facing challenges, inspiring us with their strength and ability to rise above.

Movies can seem so real sometimes, especially the interactive ones.  It’s easy to get sucked in to the game, especially when we are all so used to it.  But now you know:  You get to decide if you are going to continue to play or just watch.

Just remember:  when you stop playing, the fear no longer exists.  Poof.  Gone.  No more.  Done.  No power, no control.  Freedom.  Nothing changes, yet everything has changed.