Seeing the best in life's challenges

My Head is Too Busy

on April 16, 2012

During the last few days, the idea of the “Indigo child” has been a primary topic in my world.  On Saturday, I spent the afternoon with Lee Carroll, who co-authored The Indigo Children and a couple other books on the subject.

In our 3D world we need to use labels.  We communicate using words, and we have to be able to say what we’re talking about.  Just know that my understanding of this concept goes way beyond a simple label, so try not to get stuck on the words.

I’m an old soul.  There, I said it.  It’s just me — it’s who I am and how I understand myself.  It doesn’t make me any better than anybody else.  But I understand these discussions of Indigos, because they are old souls, and I know what it’s like to be an old soul.

I’ve been here for 50 years now.  I have always known that I was here for a reason.  My personality is quiet, tolerant, and submissive (I have the personality test results to prove that, haha) but I am not weak.  I’ve just always had a lot going on under the surface that nobody else is aware of.

I found a great website that provides a quick summary of what I’m talking about when I say Indigos. The website is written by Diana T. Mackiewicz, Ma.Ed, a high school teacher.

So here’s what happens in my head.  I have about a million thoughts going on at the same time.  It’s like there’s a door open to another level of awareness.  It’s all up there, swirling around, and today is one of those times that I am having a hard time figuring out which one to go with.  This is happening more often lately.  It feels like I’m going to explode sometimes.  Sometimes it’s more like I’m paralyzed and do nothing instead.

I’ve mentioned before in a post about Linear vs. Conceptual Thinking, the movie with Nicholas Cage where he can run scenarios quickly through his mind.  There is access to a huge number of possibilities, potentials, ideas, wisdom, things to think about or investigate or do.  They are all there at once.  If everything is energy, it’s like being a balloon that is constantly being filled with energy and getting bigger, and you don’t know how long you can hold it together.

This contributes to my other trait of being impulsive.  Sometimes a great idea pops up, and I just go with it.  I remember when reviewing that test result, it seemed odd to our pastor, who was the one who gave the test.  But I understand it.

My personality traits allowed me to navigate a world that always felt foreign, without making waves.  I have never felt like I fit in, that there was anyone else like me, but it never really bothered me.  I have just always played the game.  When I hit a roadblock, I would just quietly get out of line, and take the dirt road through the woods that got me to the other side.  Then I’d keep on going.  No big deal.

I also test very logical, which helps balance the rest of it.  I have always been very analytical, I always got math concepts instantly, and I’ve worked as both a financial analyst and a research analyst.  I am connected to a method of handling all the ideas and data; I have a mental framework that helps me sort it all out.  So yes, I can focus and function when I need to.  Taking lots of data, analyzing it, simplifying it, and then presenting it seems to be a skill that has been a primary theme of learning throughout my life.

I understand things that nobody else seems to see, much less care about.  Things that seem simple to me, don’t even occur to others.  If I let myself think about this enough, I start to feel like I live in an alien world.

Please, please, please don’t think I’m feeling superior, like I’m so great.  It’s really not like that.  It’s more kind of a pain.  Mostly, I have given up trying to explain this to anyone, because it is just misunderstood.

But it’s time to speak up, because of the kids.  It makes sense to me that there are more and more kids being born with this kind of perspective.  They come in thinking this way.  They understand so much, so instantly, and trying to slow down and force their way of thinking into a linear format is boring, tedious, pointless work.  I am sure that what they are dealing with in their heads is much tougher than what I deal with.  Maybe I just got lucky with who I am and how I handle it.

Like, let’s talk about homework.  I NEVER did my math homework.  Thank goodness back then it wasn’t part of your grade.  I got 100% on most of my tests.  I got a 760 on the math portion of the SAT, and I never did any prep for the test.  If I had had to do homework problems, especially the amount they make kids do today, I would have gone nuts.  I remember joking with Mr. Kerrigan when he would ask about homework.  Homework, me, really?  I shudder to think of the repercussions that kids today would face for that one.  Yikes.

But there’s a lot of pressure these days to get kids to conform.  Do what they are told.  We want them to act like kids are supposed to act.  (Actually, it’s worse.  We don’t even want to let them do stupid, silly kid stuff.)  We want to CONTROL them.  And we leave them no outlet to let out steam, vent their frustrations, or share who they are.  (At one school, they went so far as to limit what my kid could do during sports, because of “behavior problems” in class.  The ONE place he could let out steam and be successful, they made it clear they were in charge there too.)

Hello, we are not breaking horses here.

It doesn’t help that when these kids do speak up, they tend to point out things that are broken.  From their perspective, they are pointing out the obvious, being factual and honest about what they see.  Unfortunately, these tend to be the things we really don’t want to look at or think about.  The tough issues, the hypocrisy, the places “we just don’t go there.”  Oh no! Don’t want to talk about that one, quiet down that kid who’s being DISRESPECTFUL!  One perspective sees it as factual and honest, the other disrespectful.

What’s the answer?  Well, I know it’s not easy.  Kids still have to learn to navigate the world.  We need to have manners and be kind to one another.  But geez, give them a break already.  They are not “bad” because they don’t want to do boring homework.  It’s not their fault that they already understand a lot of things at a level many adults haven’t even thought about.

It’s not a competition.  I’ve noticed that it’s the adults with big or fragile egos that have a hard time with these kids.  Aren’t WE supposed to be the adults here?

We should be in awe of these kids.  When they are not feeling threatened, and we take the time to listen to them, their wisdom is apparent.

I am the parent of one of these kids, in a package with a personality that is not at all underground like mine.  Very wise, huge heart, very little patience for lack of integrity or those who can’t keep up, and who won’t hesitate to speak out.  As the website above points out, we’re talking “control issues with authority figures of the opposite sex”, and “non-conformist like ideas that may also not readily fit in with mainstream society.”  Oh, boy.

Despite the fact that I understand the disconnect here, being a mediator and facilitator for this kid is terribly exhausting.

But the only way we are going to “solve” this issue is to deal with it.  We can only deny it and fight it for so long.  These kids are not going away.  It’s a tsunami coming.  Get on board or get tumbled by the waves.  Seriously.

2 responses to “My Head is Too Busy

  1. Jessica says:

    I absolutely love your blog. A friend of mine pointed me in your direction and I haven’t stopped reading. I am an Old Soul but 29 years of age. Recently a part of me was awakened and I’ve started doing a lot of research on “Indigos”. My son, who is 3 is also an Old Soul. My jumps randomly so forgive me for rambling. I had a theory that came to me one night while a million thoughts streamed through my brain, that the people in my life who are also experiencing this awakening were part of the same line of energy. Which seems more and more appropriate with each passing day. I feel more at peace these days and my patience is almost unwavering. I’m curious to know if you’ve experienced an awakening of some sort?

  2. […] continuation of this discussion is here, in case you are interested. Share […]

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