Seeing the best in life's challenges


on January 9, 2013

“Disputes are about judgment, about who is right and who is wrong.  They are competitive events involving egos, and egos seek only to destroy, never to cooperate – unless for personal gain – because they see all others as separate from them and threatening to them, and thus they always lead to suffering. Disputes cannot be resolved at the level at which egos are involved, and at the levels beyond egos they are no longer disputes but are differences of perception that can always be resolved.  Attempting to make one party to a dispute right and the other wrong ensures that resolution is impossible, because that is operating at the level of ego, where resolution is never possible.

This does not mean paying no attention to disputes when you happen to become a party to them; it means moving out of your egos to enable resolutions to be found and put into effect.  If you are involved in a dispute it means that you are not perceiving the situation clearly, but are judging it and possibly taking sides. Resolution can only be found when the parties involved agree to clearly state their aims, identify what it is that needs to be resolved to their satisfaction and then cooperate meaningfully to create a situation that satisfies each party, and that can only be done when they move out of their egos.

When they do so the dispute will often be found to be about something that neither party had adequately addressed or explained to themselves, let alone to those with whom they were in dispute.  The whole atmosphere will then lighten as it becomes apparent to all parties concerned that the real problem is just one of perception that can be clarified by amicable discussion.

There are, of course, occasions when disputes are caused to ensure that conflict results.  However, it is normally readily apparent when that is the situation you are dealing with, and it is then best not to engage, as very little can be achieved when the intention for resolution is missing.  Many of the political issues on your planet fall into this category because politics is generally about power and control, and the importance and significance of the negotiators involved is removed or severely undermined if the issues are resolved.  They then make enormous efforts to create new ones.”

-John Smallman’s blog

full article can be found here


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