Seeing the best in life's challenges

Being In the Question

on March 25, 2013

I am so fortunate to have friends that go deep.  One of these friends used this phrase “Being In the Question” the other day, and I have been thinking a lot about it since.

This is a friend who knows me, knows my family, and knows so much of my experience.

When we sat down to lunch, one of us said something like, “How is everything?” and we completely skipped the small talk and went right into the deep.  We both noticed it and talked about it – how we went straight there.  It’s a wonderful bond to share.  She is a friend that I met by chance (haha!) and even at that first meeting, she instinctively shared with me something that was sensitive information.  She told me later how she worried at the time that she shouldn’t have done that!

We have worked on a common goal together, in the roles of women who care about teaching kids.  We created together with others, at a time when the world didn’t quite support what we were doing, but we forged ahead anyway.  We both observed along the way.  We talked it through.  We learned a ton, about life, about ourselves, and about each other.

And through it all, we have maintained a safe zone.  We can tell each other anything, we can ask any question, we can face defeat, all without resorting to making someone wrong or retreating into fear.  Oh, if you could see her in action…..she is amazing!

We have shared our challenges and helped each other, mostly just by listening.  Because of her, I know how valuable it is just to hash things out with someone who is willing to just be there.

So I was telling her more about my ponderings, the concepts I question, the dilemmas in my head.  Really, truly, most people would think I am off my rocker.  Instead, she comes up with a zinger.  When she said, “you’re In the Question” and “the answer doesn’t matter” she hit the nail on the head.  YES!!!

We’ve all heard It’s The Journey, Not The Destination.  I think most people get that — it’s the process that’s important, not just where you are going.  But this is definitely linear thinking – there’s a path to be followed, it might twist and turn, but it’s still one step and then another, and there is a final place to get to.  A beginning and an end.  It’s a great saying, and really helpful, because it says to pay attention to those steps, to what you are doing now, because it is all important.

But as we move beyond linear thinking to conceptual thinking, we need to understand that idea on a different level.  And to me, Being In the Question describes that equivalent concept.

I have always been a person who likes to analyze and understand things.  In various capacities, it seems I always end up collecting lots of data, researching, organizing it, and analyzing it to come up with conclusions or common threads, or nuggets of wisdom.  It’s just me.  It’s why I am so all over the place with this blog.  It may seem random but I am always working to see how it all fits together.  And for me, this is being In the Question.  It’s quantum thinking/being.

The answer is irrelevant.  There is no destination.  You might get to the answer for one question, but by then you are already In another Question.  And the truth is, it’s not just one Question I am In at a time, it is several intersecting and interacting Questions.

Being In the Question, for me, describes how one’s mind can play its rightful part in the process, while I am BEING totally in the NOW. It’s freedom — my mind plays with the details while my soul dances with the possibilities.

The motivation for the questioning is curiosity.  It has nothing to do with having to control an outcome.  It has nothing to do with worrying about an answer that is good enough or doesn’t fit what is “supposed” to be. It’s more a frame of mind, an approach that includes no fear, no expectations, no assumptions that can’t be questioned.  There is no longer a place or reason for “right” or “wrong” rather, it is all about understanding.  I am In the Question for the pure joy of understanding, and the satisfaction of clarity that comes with seeing the big picture.

As I have spent time In my Questions, I can tell you that everything does become clear and the pieces do fall into place.  I can see how a challenge in one aspect of my life has taught me the exact lesson or given me the exact experience I needed to be able to interpret something that is a central part of another Question.  I am here to tell you, you CAN absolutely know your soul’s purpose, you CAN know the bigger picture… is all there, but there is a lot of seeking and stretching outside the box and leaping off cliffs before you can get there.  All metaphorical, you know.  You can’t expect to understand it in a linear fashion, it will never make sense that way.

And I also want to say, this approach might seem to be intellectualized and logical as I have described it.  But it has as much to do with paying attention to the data that comes from your heart (feelings and intuition) as the data that comes from your head.  It’s about trust and faith and knowing, all things that can only come from the heart.

M and I don’t spend that much time together.  We have separate lives and backgrounds and sets of friends and that’s just fine.  We are working on different Questions.  And to me it has always been so interesting that we seem to have gotten to the same place and come to the same conclusions, from very different angles and sets of experiences.  We both have the skill set and the openness to be there for each other.  We have that safe zone when we need it.  Having that, we empower and encourage each other.  And we SEE each other and love each other for exactly who we are and for the Questions we are In.

Just another one of the many reasons I am a very lucky girl. 🙂

snoopy question

2 responses to “Being In the Question

  1. Mercedes says:

    how lucky you are to have one another ;). how often does a lunch transform into a spiritual exercise with depth and meaning? i’m here to tell you not often, and yet isn’t that what the two of you share…depth and meaning, laughter and joy, sadness and tears? how you described this experience…,,this is how we discover our wisdom isn’t it?… intimate conversations with our best friends, weaving together our experiences and insights, being in the question of the relationships and challanges in our lives -helping one another arrive at new ways of seeing life. this is how we meet ourselves. this is how we truly meet one another. how lucky are we???? 🙂

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