Seeing the best in life's challenges

Making Peace with The Dark Side

on April 11, 2013

A “theme of the week” that keeps showing up to me is The Dark SideYour Shadow Self (click to read related article).  The Negative.  The Bad.  All the things we know cause pain, the things we want to be defeated, the injustices of the world, the enemies.  Why can’t they just go away?

The secret to making all this go away, is that we must embrace it.


Yes, we must love it all away.  It’s that simple.  But how??

The process must start inside of you.  Unless you have faced your own Dark Side, your attempts to change the external world can only go so far.

What does it mean to face your own Dark Side?  You might be thinking, “hey, wait a minute, I’m a good person!  Sure, I’ve made some mistakes, but I would never do anything really bad or hurtful to others!!  I am not like that!!”

It must be pointed out, that this process means going to a place that most people would rather not go.  We are so used to thinking that being bad is, well, BAD, that it is a scary thing to even think that we have a Dark Side.  It’s much safer to deny it.

Let’s look at a basic assumption:

We are all children of God.  God loves each one of us unconditionally.  We may not all be the same, but we are all equally important.

Do you REALLY believe this?  Is that child molester in the paper really EQUAL to you?  Does that idea make you uncomfortable?  Or do you, deep inside, feel superior because you know you would NEVER do something so awful!!  What else do you know that you would NEVER do?

The hot button issues, the ones that strike up an emotional response for you, the things you know passionately that you would NEVER do, are your greatest clues.  These are the issues you have experience with, either in this life or in another.  If you have experienced a painful situation as the receiver (victim), you KNOW that pain, you KNOW that wound, and as a result, you know that you would never want to inflict that pain on someone else.  If you were the cause (perpetrator) of the painful situation, you have experienced the guilt, shame or denial of that fact, all painful effects of the situation as well, and you probably want to avoid repeating that experience.

What makes all this more complicated, is that since your experiences include those from past lives, most of us don’t remember them.  We live with the effects of the wounds, but since we’re not conscious of why we hold onto this pain, it is much harder to face it and heal it.  This was the central factor described in the book, Many Lives, Many Masters by Dr. Brian Weiss.  (related post here)  His patient had terrible phobias that made it hard for her to live a normal life, yet there was absolutely no reason in her current life for her to be holding these deep wounds.  Without understanding the “big picture” of the purpose of our lives on Earth (here’s an explanation of another way to look at it), we discount and deny that there is “more to it” and we dismiss fears and pain and dysfunction that seem to have no “cause.”  Without facing these things, they only fester.  Denying they exist will not help them go away.

Kryon talks about how we have all had lives where we were the “good guys” and where we were the “bad guys.”  One of my favorite channels (see here) from Metatron talks about lives that were “power set-ups” and “love set-ups.”  I understand that first you have to make the leap to “believe” in reincarnation, and then you have to change your way of thinking to include these possibilities.  It’s a very different understanding of the purpose of life on Earth, a different paradigm.  I’m not telling you that you “should” believe in this stuff……but to be open enough to consider the possibility.  Make up your own mind.  I’m just presenting a change in thinking that, for me, made everything make sense!

So back to your greatest clues.  You might not ever have a memory of why you are so passionate about an issue.  You don’t necessarily have to know the details in order to heal your wound.

Say that the idea of someone abusing a child just overwhelms you.  Maybe this is a clue that you were abused, and you understand this pain, a pain that never goes away.  Only those who have experienced this can understand the far-reaching implications on the sense of self-worth, the self-blaming, the bewilderment of not being able to understand “why.”  But even more difficult to consider, perhaps it is a clue that you were an abuser, that you understand the regret, the self-loathing, the guilt, the shame, the impossibility of healing such a thing.  Either way, we are talking about a very deep, painful wound.

What is the answer?  The only way to heal, is to forgive.  We know that about dealing with others…..but in this case, it is about forgiving yourself.

I think it’s easier to forgive others.  You can get a sense of satisfaction out of forgiving.  You can feel like a bigger person.

But forgiving yourself is pure forgiveness.  True healing, and complete letting go.  Isn’t this consistent with what we are told about God in the Bible?  Total, complete forgiveness and unconditional love.  We are told that we are worthy.  Do you believe you are worthy?  Can you forgive yourself those “mistakes,” even when they are truly awful?

So, maybe in this life, I am the “good girl” and you are the “bad boy.”  That’s just a tiny part of the story.  Overall, we have all been there and done that, on both sides of the coin.  Not to mention, that we all know that even those that appear to do everything right on the surface, can have their dirty little secrets.

This process is very difficult for anyone who is surrounded by Old Paradigm thinking.  For example, those who are involved in churches that preach the “hell, fire and brimstone” way are staying in the fear of being wrong.  But it’s not just religious people who are stuck in Old Paradigm thinking.  It’s pervasive.

If you cling to the Old Paradigm that we are only “good” if we do everything “right” then we are all failures and unworthy.  There’s no getting around that.  Does that even make sense?  Again, it all comes down to whether you believe in an all-loving God or not.  So many have taught that if you are “bad” you deserve God’s punishment.  Really?  If this is true, then logically there is NO WAY OUT.  We should just give up right now.

Sorry, this just doesn’t make any sense to me.

I choose to understand God and Life and Humans according to a NEW Paradigm that is based on LOVE.  This can be hard to believe, because it goes against conventional thinking.  In my opinion, it’s high time to leave that thinking behind.

Only you can look at yourself and know whether you are able

to face your demons and forgive and rise above

to unconditional love of yourself and others.

Only after you can forgive yourself completely, can you love yourself completely, and accept yourself completely.  When you are no longer beating yourself up about the past (what’s done is done) THEN you can begin the process of understanding your experiences and turn that into wisdom.  With wisdom, you can focus on where you are now, and make decisions that will allow you to make the best of what is.

The other side effect or result of this process is that you will have a completely different take on the shortcomings of others.  You will understand that we are all in the same boat.  You will not feel superior to others, and you will not feel inferior.  You will be completely comfortable in being you, and you will feel completely comfortable letting others be who they are.  You will no longer feel the need to judge others, so that you can feel self-righteous.

You can even get to the point where you only feel compassion for those who commit those awful crimes.  It doesn’t mean you like the pain that is caused or condone acts of violence or hurtful situations, you just understand that it is all about the experience, and that even that human being is just doing the best they can. Those who have come to this place, can help create a safe environment for those who have wounds that they need to face and heal.

Just something to think about 🙂

dark side

11 responses to “Making Peace with The Dark Side

  1. Amethyst says:

    Thank you for writing this. Here I am after having woken up from a ‘nightmare’ but I innately felt some subconscious belief triggers as the reason and direction of the dream.

  2. starlight says:

    I came here from Transitions. What I most wanted to say to this post of yours – is how everything (and I mean everything!) you said Rings with Truth! I can’t say how much I agree with it.

    Not only am I going through massive dark/light polarity changes, but all the past life stuff you said REALLY Resonates with me. I’ll give you some examples.

    I’ve had lots of powerful emotions inside which I know come from other past-lives. One example is that I was bullied a lot as a teen (but I was so passive and unconfident, I was completely down-trodden!) – I later found out through meditation that I had been a bit of a bully in previous lives and that I have been constantly flicking between reincarnating as the bully (who – at the time due to low awareness believed we were all separate – and that he could get away with picking on others!), and then the victim role (suffering and down-trodden).

    Another major reaction I got was to circumcision and genital mutilation. I felt so much sadness, anger and emotional ‘shock’ when I read some stories about this for a long time. I managed to meditate on it and found out that I had been violently held down and had my genitals cut up, and thereafter felt so much sadness, loss and anger at those who did it to me. This comes from a past life.

    Another past life issue I had (the most clear one, this one came in full color visions, sounds and everything) was me being held down and raped by a large built man. The poor girl (me) was so confused, and didn’t understand why he was doing it. Confusion, broken trust, pain, fear. I won’t ever forget this one and saw a very dark side to sex.

    I have also had flashback feelings of being a mother and ‘fearing for the life of her children’. (And that’s quite a shock, since I’m a moderately young male in this life without children).

    Last but probably most intense, I have inner knowledge that ‘War’ is one of the closest things to hell on earth. Not only does it include physical danger, but the level of fear and terror in those situations is on par with hell. I was born knowing this already.

    I must have done some pretty bad things before, and I must have also suffered a lot. I think like you said it’s this way for ALL of us!



    • jlcmom says:

      Thank you so much for writing and telling of your experiences! You might find it interesting that I have NO recollections from past lives, which I have concluded is just part of my experience here this time around. My challenge seems to be to find these concepts and understand them, without the actual memories. As much as I am comfortable “knowing” what I am writing, it’s really great for me to have others share, others who do remember. Your comment adds so much depth to the discussion!

      • starlight says:

        No problem, I’ll check out your other posts when I have the time! I really got the feeling of ‘being on the same page’ as you, which is just a really nice feeling 🙂

        Good resonance.


  3. ohnwentsya says:

    Thank you for sharing this link on Transitions so I would notice it, this is something I am really processing lately. I thought I had “gotten” it, but I am feeling really stuck on current actions-I can forgive, let go, understand , apply unconditional love to things that are done and cannot be changed, but when a person is right now taking actions that cause harm to those who cannot defend themselves-when they have had the complete wrongness of what they are doing explained to them and yet they not only keep doing horrible violent things but increase them and do more, cause more harm to more beings-how to be at peace with this? especially when I am actually one of the beings unable to defend, and experiencing physical harm that may lead to prematurely exiting my current incarnation?

    I want to get this, I believe it is important, but at the same time I also believe strongly in not standing by-sins of omission they used to call it in church-just allowing harm to happen without standing up to stop it is imho not acceptable, any religious or spiritual loophole that tells me to hold the door to the showers and watch the people walk in to get gassed means to me that spiritual teaching is deeply flawed.

    The Buddha actually taught that to choose one’s own path of enlightenment-ie choosing to obey one of the precepts for that- over helping other beings was a far greater sin than breaking the rules in order to help them.

    So I am seeking a path between judging and separation etc, and the complete abdication of personal responsibility and feeling a bit like that camel trying to get thru the eye of the needle;-)

    No amount of love, meditation, forgiveness etc has changed the situation I am experiencing, which has gone on for 5 years so far-I kept thinking I had gotten it, processed it within me and resolved it, and still the violence and destruction keep on happening.

    Ir was much easier to feel like I understood this when it was just internal, or about things at a distance or in the past. My intuition is not telling me that accepting death in this situation is the way to go-and failing that how do I learn to love and forgive someone who has murdered those I love, and is still actively doing so, who has and is actively harming me? I am experiencing a lot of pain and limitation(living in a bed, unable to take care of basic daily necessities) and the person is still actively attacking me, and those I care for.

    I am feeling very confused and overwhelmed. It is one thing to know that the wealthy control the world and get away with horrible things when reading about it, it is quite another to live it and find that when your attacker is one of them the police cannot help you. (Because I am documenting with them, if I do not survive they may THEN be able to take action-not much help at the moment tho;-/

    Sorry to ramble on, I’ve just been wrestling with the issue you have written about for years now, thinking I understood it and realizing apparently I didn’t. I know that a being has to be broken and separated in their mind at least from the circle of life in order to act so terribly to others, but my compassion and prayers for them have not seemed to have much if any effect.

    I am not at all afraid to die, it just seems rather pointless to do so just because a person who has chosen the service to self path wants that outcome to occur.

    I keep hoping there is something I have missed that will heal this situation, that will allow me to move past it to really “get” whatever the lesson or understanding is that I am missing. That someone not living thru it will be able to see some aspect of grace that I have overlooked that will help it all to make some sort of sense to me.

    Thank you for writing this, and sharing your wisdom. As a collective and as individuals it seems we stil have a bit left to process and get through before things become really clear. I believe it will take all of us working together and sharing our experiences, wisdom and caring with one another to achieve the transformation we are working toward.

    • jlcmom says:

      Wow, thank you so much for sharing. (I like when people ramble by the way.) I am amazed and humbled by your words. Your situation illustrates how terribly difficult this can be. In your case, it seems impossible to know what the answer is. What I do see, is a very brave person, to be able to share this story without anger and hate, when you have every worldly justification to do so. You inspire me. I feel that sad compassion that is such a difficult feeling, because one wants so much to “do” something to make these situations go away.

      I don’t know that we ever feel that we’ve completely “got it.” As long as we’re here, we continue to be challenged. That being said, I do think you can get there in terms of having the attitude of non-judgment, letting go, etc. while still deciding to do something… other words, just because you have that attitude, doesn’t mean that you don’t care and won’t act. It’s just that what leads you to the conclusion to do something is not clouded by ego or feeling superior. Just because you “understand” the person, doesn’t mean you have to put up with their behavior. And even with the attitude of non-judgment, sometimes you need to put up a fight!

      I have a situation where someone I have always been close to is involved with a person who makes me VERY uncomfortable. I found undeniable evidence of what this person is capable of. I made her aware of that (which I felt was my responsibility because I care about her) but she just thanked me and said she already knew. I do not blame her for being with him, I understand it is her decision, and she takes it personally that I don’t want anything to do with him. Inside me, I harbor no ill will toward either one of them, I want them to be happy together, I have no problem with the situation. BUT at the same time I know I must listen to my inner voice that says to stay away from him. She assumes I am judging. She is choosing to make it him vs. me. I have just had to let go, but no hard feelings.

      Back to you. I don’t think there is any reason you shouldn’t act in any way you can to stop the behavior. To me, your words have already shown that you are not being judgmental, you just want to protect yourself and others. Can you write a story that could go viral? I’m trying to think, there must be some way to outsmart these people.

      You are so obviously a strong soul. Thank you so much for sharing. You can also find The Meaning of Strife on Facebook, I would love to connect there, too.

      Love and light to you!

      • ohnwentsya says:

        Wow! Thank you with all my heart for that wonderfully kind and wise reply. I really appreciate your perspective, and awareness. I would love to connect on facebook but my poor steampunk computer and facebook had a breakup a few months ago when facebook “upgraded” to its new look. They just won’t talk anymore;-/

        I have been doing my best to resist the attackers without dropping to their level and joining in a karma-creation-fest. It makes a difference praying, and when others pray for us(me and all the living beings they are harming aside from me trees, plants, cats, lizards, birds etc)

        The police said that if I can get my neighbors involved in watching out for what they are doing it would help, but most people just want to avoid the crazy;-/ If I could afford cameras to record what they are doing, it would allow a misdemeanor charge but a stalker specialist I spoke to in the past said it is sometimes dangerous to get the law involved with these people if you can’t get them locked up for a long time where you will be safe from them.

        I do hope that achieving some level of understanding and growth at a spiritual level will contribute to removing the situation from my life since practical means like police have not helped. I do have a very strong faith that Gaia and Creator do listen and care, and that the service to self/team dark folks do not really have free reign to do just whatever they want forever-there has to be some balance in the world.

        Thank you again for your thoughtful reply, I am so grateful for kindness and support as one of the hardest parts is often the feeling of isolation. Especially when lately it seems that most on the ascension path are experiencing a lot of really positive, good, upbeat stuff so my experiences are pretty discordant to share with them. Hopefully soon I can catch that wave and leave this “lesson” behind for a while!

  4. Alyce Vollmar says:

    Oh, Meg, what would I do without The Meaning of Strife? Hugs.

  5. David says:

    This post could not have been more timely. Thank you 🙂

What do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: